URGHHHHH STRESS

So today was pretty stressful. I have to hand a Report for Communications on Monday, have Economics and Business Math test on Tuesday. On Wednesday i have to hand in my Oral Presentation source for Communications. On thursday, i have to do a marketing Presentation. It is going to be a long week. I have have trouble communicating with the student advisor..... But i hope everything would be awesome when i come back Singapore on 16th september. I am still deciding if i should type to Yu wan on Facebook to have my chance on her or actually hang out with a female friend in my marketing class more often. I am in a dilemma..... I got to be honest though..... If Yu wan actually messages me in Facebook, she would be the first priority. I don't know why when i see Yu Wan in the past, i would be speechless once she is around my sight. This is still a mystery to me. But i know everything would be alright. The main thing is to pass all my Subjects in Curtin.... I know i will pass Business Math and Communications202. However, i need to work hard on the Report. Then comes Economics and Marketing. These two subjects might have a lot of information. But if i took time to revise or work on it, i would probably ace it. At this moment that i am typing this blog, Foo Yu wan is online on Facebook..... Gosh.... i want to type to her... But i am afraid she would reply me in short messages or if she already has a boyfriend. Urrghhhh.... Oh well...... If i get Yu Wan, its fate then haha. :D Well i am done typing this haha :D Hopefully i would be more active in this blog again haha :D

Cannot Believe I Am Posting This

As all of you know, i have not posted in my blog for more than 3 years now. Some of you might be the people i know and some of you are random people that looks in my blog. However, i want to say that it has been an honor that people do actually read my blog. Anyways, i am sick and tired of holding this crap in my head. I want to talk to someone about this, but i realized that i am all alone, in a new country. As much as i have new friends in the new Country, i still cannot forget about my Secondary School crush. As much as i want to forget it, i cannot. I cannot just tell my new friends about this as they wouldn't even know who she is. I got to admit, i have Secondary School friends i am still in contact with. However, they had asked me to forget her already and move on with my life. I just cannot... I have a horrible day today already. Firstly, i cannot sleep well because i am very stressed up. Being in Australia and studying here is not as carefree as i think it would be.... Secondly, i am on a losing streak in a game called League Of Legends(LoL) which is in ranked games. They ranked me by elos and my elos are dropping tremendously low..... Thirdly, i want to move out of my current homestay but i feel bad doing so and i have been avoiding this topic for a long time now.... Fourthly, i have not been doing much productive work for my college and i feel bad about it..... I am just too lazy to do so as i use all my time playing games and watching movies. I don't even want to eat much anymore.... I don't want to exercise anymore. This makes me feel very lousy.... Lastly, which also happens to be the most serious part is that, i still think of my Secondary School crush. As much as you know, i did some post about her a few years back.... I could still remember the first time i had a crush on her... She had a build which was similar to mine... I liked her cause she was out going like i was. Always happy and hanging around with everyone. The only problem that made me soo far away from her than was that i was soo shy... Every PE class when i was secondary 2, i would look at her the whole day and stare at her. Then when i arrived at secondary 3, the best feeling of my life happenned. She was in my class. This means that i could look at her everyday. I felt really happy. Many times i wanted to talk to her, but i failed to because i was too shy. I was soo shy that i would avoid her when she comes close to me, i would avoid her when she was talking or if she was facing my direction. I sensed that she felt that i am no longer interested in her. Then i realized she started avoiding me as well. This made me gave up one her..... Then Secondary 4 came.... I had a long holiday soo when i saw her again, i started to like her again.... I looked at her again everyday. Tried to stalk her when she was going to the canteen. I would beg for her to be in the canteen during recess so that i could get a glimpse of her. When i went out with my friends and gossiping about liking girls and other stuffs, all i would think was her. However, when i am near her i would have a similar feeling of avoiding her..... I felt horrible... In August of 2011, me, my friends and her went to sentosa together. I wanted to impress her and avoiding her at the same time just to show that i wasn't interested in her... But honestly, that was the day i screwed up soo bad. I accidentally hit her with a frisbee she bought. It made me feel bad. Then i wouldn't be with her and walk with her..... I was just a shy loser. I want to say i really could have done something... But noooo, i had to avoid her. I wouldn't even buy a birthday present to her.... I knew that around that week was her birthday. I know she loves a korean band which was SS501 i guess. I heard that it was disbanded by the way. However, i didn't buy her anything and bought a birthday present for another friend... I wouldn't even dare say happy birthday with a crush for 4years... Makes me feel soo bad.... That was the last time and first time i was soo close with her.... When she was taking pictures and stuff, i would avoid it to show defiance with her... But deep down all i wanted was to take pictures with her... I had to make things soo complicated by avoiding taking pictures with her just to "show" her i wasn't interested with her.... But really, I just like her a lot.... I cannot believe i was such a dick... Soo when i finished my huge examination, which apparently was O'levels. I saw her again. Yet i never texted her or talked to her..... To be honest, i did random text messages to her in Secondary School. Soo yea, when i moved to Australia, i realised i was such a dickhead... Then i told her i was sorry in facebook... She was ok with with but i do think she treats like a friend which was the least i wanted her to think of me. All the time i was a dickhead.. I do deserve it. Then when i was coming back to Singapore, i msged her in Facebook again. I told her i wanted to meet up with her for lunch... She said maybe... That made me excited... But when i arrived in Singapore, she was having her exams and camp, soo i didn't want to disturb her... I don't know if she doesn't want to go out with me or she is really busy, but i really do respect her decision. After that, i nvr msged her again... I starting doubting myself again if i should Facebook with her.... Its been 7months since i last saw her... Anyway, I want to tell her i still like her a lot and i really want to try talk to her...... For once, not being scared. If this could happen, it would really be a miracle... The good news is i am coming back Singapore in mid September... The bad news though is that its after her birthday and that i don't know her schedule.... I am starting to become shy in msging her in facebook..... This girl that is in my mind for a really, I mean REALLY long time, is Foo Yu Wan. Yes, i was soo shy to type this name for a long time, but for once i want to feel good typing this name for once... I only get to live once only, must well do this, its better than sitting in my room everyday staring at a computer and not hanging out in a new country i am living in. I know that if i actually make her my girlfriend one day, it will be a long distance relationship... I know it will be hard... But i know it will work... If she isn't my girlfriend, at least i know i posted this on my blog and look at it 10 years and say, hey i did this before.... Then i would get emotional and tell to myself, i lost her once, i would not lose any other girl i have a crush in. Yes, this girl is the girl that i actually have a lot of feelings for. If she still does remember me or this blog, she would be reading this post now... And this is the time i tell her, I <3 you... Really... We have not gone out much, but really, i know a lot about you... I really do... Anyways, i already bought her a birthday present... Its only a matter of meeting her and giving it to her or just let the gift rot in my drawer for the rest of my life.... It all depends on fate then... YOLO people..... Raymond Putra.